Here Where Apache Tears are the Fragments of Black Glass Stones

I can stop crying now
'cept I'm not crying
because
I'm over medicated
but
if I werent
I would be crying
I can feel that.
and really
I wouldn't
no,
couldn't
cant
stop crying.
I don't get
any of this
but I will say
a lot
of all this
seems better
but harder
harder
at my end
of the pike
than yours
but at least
there is Margo
nearby.
And
the sky
is blue
the weather
warm
the people
embracing
it's just all
not me
not me
anymore
I am
trapped
within
an exile
of an exile
of love
and its a lonely
sort of place
that I can't seem
to get used to.
Waking up
with those dreams
those nightmares
is unbearable.
Nobody
but nobody
knows
or comprehends
and if i tell them
they scold me
about you
so
it just all
reinforces
my social
isolation
and loneliness
I was socially
isolated
and cut off
in Brussels
but not like
I am here
really.
That might
seem hard
to imagine
but my life
is lonelier
and harder
than it was
in that attic
in that apartment
in Sint Joost.
But
I have
to do
what I have
to do
to survive.
It's going well.
True
but me
and my alone
and interior
and subconscious life
are still
though medicated
suffering.
You can't change
any of that.
I'm just glad
my demons
cant hurt you.
no mores...
I'll be glad
when I am
off this planet.
But until then
I intend
to find the desert
again
and the blue sky
and as many
starry nights
from anywhere
on this planets surface
that I can find.
that gives me reason
and hope.
I really miss
those lands
with the calls to prayers
the roof tops there
or the desert rock floor
from the trance
I find
from all those over-lapping calls
from all those Minarets
to prayer.
Not this silence
of life
in the automotive
Midwest...Dreaming
of going there:
Back to Arabia.
That
only that
keeps me
hanging on
with what
I am doing here
if I am
honest
at four
in the morning
I know
I will
never have
such luxury
of travel
again
I will be
lucky
to get out
of this
glue trap
of Ohio
even.
For that
I wish
I would have
never
left
Sint Joost
in Brussel.
But look
at all
I have done
here,
will you
(experience it ever)?
but still
I am not
impressed
with myself
I want
something
else...
I should
have went
to Yemen
instead.
God,
oh no
not
now here
in
no where
Ghettoville
Ohio.
Mustafa_
Matt_
Matthew_
Mathijs_
Mathieu